Getting Past the Fear of Rejection

So here is a rule that served you when you were young, and almost certainly does not serve you well now:

You ask for what you want: self promotion.
The person you ask says no.
and then you apply the following rule:

Now here is the rule that most people in America apply: I ask, they say no, now I must feel rejected...hurt, stung, the very validity of me as a person questioned.

Does this seem like the rule that you operate from? If you are a natural salesperson, perhaps not, but there are not many of those out there. For most people, this is exactly the rule that they follow and it is a lousy way to run your life.

Where in the heck did this rule come from? There has been lots of study of the Fear of Rejection. Some experts will insist that this is a hereditary trait. (To which I say show me the gene!). Others will say that this rule was installed by well meaning parents attempting to keep their young children from killing themselves in the early years. (I believe there is a good bit of truth here. It is hard to avoid using withdrawal of love or approval with a child to get compliance...it is just so darn effective!) I have met some people, rarely, that can trace their fear of rejection to a single incident in their past. This memory, this occurrence, was so powerful, that they have a phobic response to people saying no. So, lots of disagreement about the roots of this disabling rule, this response to perceived rejection.

So, what can you do about it? How can you change this? Come back next time! Bye for now...Jack